So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
