Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
