I need to stop coming to work sober
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
