There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
