I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
