I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
