cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
