I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have fence marks all over my body
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