Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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