nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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