you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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