Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
