He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
