We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
