Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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