You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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