i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
