So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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