Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
