And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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