I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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