when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
