I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
