I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
