you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
