I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
