my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
