Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
