i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
