I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
