The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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