can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
