1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
