I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
