Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
