Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
