Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
