Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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