so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
