My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
