never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
