She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i wish my penis had a tongue
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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