I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
