bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
