Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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