well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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