So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
