im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
