Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
