God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
