i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
