He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
