I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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