some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i out mim tonsoeep
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