dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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