i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
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Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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