chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
