she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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