i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
