Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
