I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
