i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
