We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
