I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
