First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
